I placed my hand up and when he dubbed on me ns said, “I have nothing come say.”

After pausing for my retreat mates to protect against laughing I ongoing speaking. But…


Before I go on here is some ago story for context:

A couple weekends earlier I checked out an emotional Freedom method event. Brad Yates – mine favourite YouTube resource of this personal growth device – concerned my town. Ns couldn’t happen up the possibility to see him… live… in person… for the 4th time. If anything i would acquire a good hug out of it! (Side note: if you ever before get a opportunity to fulfill Brad ask for a hug, he’s an all star in ~ them!)

I have always shared as soon as I’ve to be to his occasions in the past. And with every the current stress and readjust in mine life I had stuff come say. I even practiced exactly how I would talk about on my method there.

You are watching: You ask me how i feel i say nothing

And yet Friday evening went by and I didn’t say anything. Saturday flew and also I claimed nothing.

I did a many witnessing and also heard a the majority of heart-breaking stories. I experienced a most shifts. Ns cried and laughed. Healing was passed roughly like one hors d’oevure tray at a an intricate cocktail party. I continued to be on the periphery, transforming down the thick cucumber slices topped with fresh dill and whipped truffle butter.

I preserved thinking if i wasn’t below to to express something an individual and have actually 40 strangers tap v me around it, then why did i was ns there? I saw bed with that inquiry on Saturday night.

Why was i at this retreat, when I live 20 minutes down the road?

I tucked right into my small dorm room and also started analysis Brene Brown’s: Braving the Wilderness: The search for True Belonging and the ship to stand Alone.

(Another side note: if you’re not sure who Brene is, I’ve written about her here, here and here. She is a big influence on mine life, who I shot to be, and what ns teach mine patients.)

The passage i read helped me establish why i was there not saying anything.


Sunday morning passed, and also still ns was locked lipped. Once I lastly knew what I had actually to say. For this reason I placed up my hand.

Brad looked over and also said, “Tonia?”

“I have nothing to say.”

Cue laughter as per the start of this article.

Brad chuckled and said, “I’m walking to begin my next publication that way.”

“I have been sitting in this room v everyone for 3 days, and also every time friend ask us to snapshot our right self in the mirror I deserve to see her perfectly: vibrant, healthy, and happy. When you ask us what is blocking united state from being the person, there is nothing. No blocks. Nada. Vacuum. Every I watch is room every time friend ask that question. I have nothing an individual to say.”

I explained how I’d to be questioning my function at the event until I check out what I check out on Saturday night. Ns asked if I might read a passage and Brad agreed.

I read:

“Not enough of united state know how to sit in pain through others. Worse, our discomfort shows up in methods that have the right to hurt people and reinforce their very own isolation. I have started to believe that crying v strangers in person can save the world… The much more we’re willing to seek moments of collective joy and also show up for experiences of cumulative pain – because that real, in person, not online – the more challenging it i do not care to refuse our human connection, even with civilization we might disagree with. Not only do moments of cumulative emotion remind us of what is possible between people, yet they also remind us of what is true about the person spirit.”

“That is why I’m here. Come cry through you all. And to laugh. Many thanks everyone because that sharing through me, so us can adjust the world.”

I’m for this reason curious…

Have you had actually experience with what Brene is talking about?

Do girlfriend have civilization in your life that are uncomfortable v emotional conversations?

How does it feel when they can’t be through your pains or her joy? castle interrupt, or adjust the subject, or worse, castle story top?

How would certainly you choose them come behave?

Do you shot to settle things when civilization share an individual stories v you?

What would occur if you just listened, and also said, “Oh gosh, that’s for this reason hard, I’m sorry,” or just provided them a hug?

How would certainly the human being be different if an ext people could be existing in these hard times?

Look for the Helpers

You don’t need to go much these day to find stories of damaging natural disasters, impending war, and disturbing corruption. Mister Rogers provided to say, “Look because that the helpers.” In time of dilemm find the helpers. Better yet, it is in the helper. Sit v those in pain. Don’t fix anything simply be there. Ns think Brene is on come something. Now more than ever before is a time to be breakable which is very courageous. Insert HUMAN connection where ever before you can. As regularly as possible.

The next time a friend or loved one share something hard with you perform nothing yet breath (you can learn how here). Speak nothing. It’s okay to not have anything to say. Just picture your mouth is complete of cucumber canapes.

Know there is nothing to fix.

The only thing to carry out is come be. Your existence will speak loudly.

Let an are hang in between their words and also yours.

Breath part more.

Allow yourself to cry v out apologizing because that it.

See more: Question: How Long Does It Take To Drive 50 Miles At 40 Mph, How Many Hours Is 50 Miles Driving

Let what ever before you feel be felt. Share what you notice in her body (I talk about that one here). Shot using these words, “In my imagined variation of her story i feel…”

I’d love to hear exactly how things are various when you try this. Hop earlier here and leave a comment below.