You are watching: Ants in my eyes johnson quotes
Rick: Summer, you just spent three months, watching a man select a fake wife.
Rick: Letterman from a time line wherein Jerry’s famous-Jerry: Wait!Beth: What in the hell?Rick: i agree. Where is this going?Jerry: No, the various other thing! go back!Rick: Really? every right, fine.Girl: Glenn, this is a court order. It says you can’t eat shit anymore.Rick: every right, Jerry, as soon as you’re right, you’re right. Currently I’m hooked.
Jerry: Sometimes small true-true different than da huge true-true.
Rick: currently who wants to clock random, crazy TV reflects from various dimensions and then who desires to narcissistically obsess around their alternating self?Jerry: I want to obsess about myself.
Rick: I’m proud of you, Morty.Morty: Hey man, i don’t provide a crap around myself, Rick.
Ants-In-My-Eyes-Johnson: I’m Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson, right here at Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson’s Electronics. I mean, there’s so numerous ants in mine eyes! and there’s so many TVs, microwaves, radios i think, i can’t I’m not 100% certain what we have actually here in stock, due to the fact that I can’t watch anything. Ours prices i hope aren’t too low! examine out this refrigerator! just $200! What around this microwave? just $100! That’s fair! I’m Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson! Everything’s black, ns can’t see a thing! And additionally I can’t feeling anything either, walk I cite that? however that’s no as attractive as having ants in her eyes. So that always goes, girlfriend know, turn off by the wayside. I can’t feel. It’s a really rare disease. Every my-all mine nerves, castle don’t permit for the sensation of touch. So i never understand what’s walk on. Am i standing? Sitting? ns don’t know.
Beth: What execute you see?Jerry: Whiteness. Pure whiteness.Johnny Depp: You’re my ideal friend, Jerry Smith. I love act cocaine through you.Jerry: Whoa ns love law cocaine through you too, Johnny Depp!
Summer: i don’t watch anything.Beth: Well, you should pick a various timeline, ns mean, if her father and also I accomplished our dreams, there’s a opportunity you weren’t also born. That came out wrong. That come out really wrong.Summer: Fine, I’ll find a human being where girlfriend bothered to have actually me.
Voice Over: It’s a 45 horsepower v anti-lock brakes, and also it’s the official car of Mr. Sneezy 3D. It’s the brand-new Sneezy XL. The horn once you honk it makes a sneeze noise. It’s polite, it’s right, and also it’s Sneezy Deezy Mc Deluxe.Mr. Sneezy: Oh, I’m Mr. Sneezy! Achoo!Morty: Huh, seems like TV from various other dimensions has a somewhat looser feeling to it.Rick: Yeah, it’s obtained an nearly improvisational tone.
Voice Over: It’s in theatre now! comes this summer: 2 brothers. In a van. And also then a meteor hit. And also they ran as rapid as they can from large cat monsters. And then a huge tornado came, and also that’s as soon as things obtained knocked into 12th gear. A mexico armada mirrors up. With weapons do from To-tomatoes. And you better bet her bottom dollar that these 2 brothers know how to manage business. In: Alien intrusion Tomato Monster mexican Armada Brothers, Who room Just constant Brothers, running In a valve from one Asteroid and All sorts of points THE MOVIE! organize on, there’s more! Old women space coming, and they’re additionally in the movie, and they’re gonna come, and cross assault these two brothers. Yet let’s get ago to the brothers, because they’re-they have actually a strong bond. Girlfriend don’t want to know around it here, however I’ll tell girlfriend one thing: The moon it comes crashing into Earth. And what perform you execute then? It’s 2 brothers and also and th-they’re It’s dubbed Two brothers 2 brothers! It’s just called Two Brothers.
Summer: Ooh, we’re not playing Yahtzee, we’re playing Chutes and also Ladders. It seems like as soon as I exist, life gets a small more, i don’t understand predictable?Beth: once two world create a life together, they set aside your previous lives as individuals.Jerry: Gimme a break! We’re no heroes for having actually unprotected sex top top prom night.Beth: Oh, I acquire it. Now that you know you can have had actually it better, you resent me for holding friend back.Jerry: now that we recognize you think the tables space turning, we recognize you believed there to be unturned tables!Beth: What are you talking about?Jerry: every this time, you’ve to be thinking, “What if the loser Jerry hadn’t speak me the end of the abortion?” Well now you know, you’d it is in a doctor. Whoop-dee-doo. You’d also be drinking wine, alone in a house full of exotic birds. And I’d it is in on DiCaprio’s yacht, banging Kristen Stewart!Summer: you thought around getting an abortion?Beth: everyone thinks about it. Obviously, I’m the variation of me that didn’t perform it. So you’re welcome.Jerry: Yeah, you’re welcome.Summer: Yeah, say thanks to you men so much. It’s a genuine treat come be elevated by parents that force themselves to be together rather of gift happy.Rick: Hey, perform we have any type of wafer cookies? Oh, boy. Looks choose you guys have actually been check out alternate lives and also realizing girlfriend don’t have actually it as good, huh? That’s too bad. You know, me and also Morty are having actually a blast, us just discovered a display called “Ball Fondlers”. Ns mean, i don’t desire to obstacle it in or anything, yet you guys plainly backed the wrong theoretical horse.
Voice Over: It’s Saturday Night Live! certification a piece of toast! 2 guys, with handle-bar mustaches! A guy painted silver who makes robot noises! Gar Manarnar! three uh uh, uh, uh, I’ll get earlier to the one A feet in the wall, where the men have the right to see the all and also returning, because that his 25th continuous year: Bobby Moynihan!Rick: amazing fun fact, uh, Moynihan and piece of toast dislike each other. Supposedly they’ve acquired some real an innovative differences.
Real Fake Doors Guy: Hey, space you exhausted of actual doors, cluttering up her house, where you open ’em, and also they in reality go somewhere? and also you go in an additional room? obtain on down to “Real Fake Doors”! That’s us. Fill a totality room up v ’em. See? Watch, inspect this out! Won’t open. Won’t open. Not this one, not this one. None of ’em open! FakeDoors.com is our website, so inspect it out for a the majority of really great deals top top fake doooooooors!Morty: Hey, wait a minute, Rick. I assumed this to be a commercial. What’s walk on? ns mean-Rick: Relax, Morty. Don’t worry about it Let’s simply just view where this goes.Real Fake Doors Guy: step on it, we all gained places come be! kid of a bitch!Morty: See, that have to be where he lives OK.Rick: Huh. Making self a sandwich now.Real Fake Doors Guy: Hey everybody! for this reason this is my house, I simply made a sandwich, peanut butter and also jelly, still here, still offering fake doors!Morty: What?Rick: Oh, my God! It’s still the commercial!Real Fake Doors Guy: We have fake doors choose you wouldn’t believe! What room you concerned about? Come obtain fake doors. Contact us up, and also order some fake doors today. Don’t also hesitate, Don’t also worry and don’t even-Rick: all right, I’m bored. Readjust it.Morty: Wait wait, Rick! hold on.Real Fake Doors Guy: -give that a 2nd thought. That’s ours slogan. See it on the bottom that the screen, listed below our name. Here’s one more slogan, right below that one. What are you concerned about? Come get fake doors. Get in right here quick, acquire out quicker, with an eight of fake doors in girlfriend arms.Morty: Okay, okay, girlfriend can adjust it.
Gazorpazorpfield: I hate Mumunmunundsdays. And I really could go for some enchiladas.Morty: Hey Rick, that’s pretty cool! It’s as with Garfield, just instead, it’s Gazorpazorpfield.Rick: Hey, isn’t Gazorpazorp whereby uh wherein those Sex robots come from, remember? That totality thing?Morty: yes hey, that’s a pretty, nice that’s true. That’s right!Rick: Yeah. Let’s watch some more Gazorpazorpfield!Gazorpazorpfield: Hey Jon, it’s me, Gazorpazorpfield. Boy. Fuck you, Jon. Friend fuckin’ dumb, stupid, idiot.Jon: Come on, Gazorpazorpfield, go basic on me, huh?Gazorpazorpfield: you dumb, stupid, weak, pathetic, white, white uh, uh guilt, white guilt, milquetoast item of person garbage.Jon: Jeez, Gazorpazorpfield, thats, friend know, you’re pretty typical to me, yet that take away the cake.Gazorpazorpfield: ns don’t provide a fuck! I’m Gazorpazorp-fucking-field, bitch! Now offer me my fucking enchiladas!Morty: Hey, Rick, you know, walk they use Bill Murray because that this? sound a lot choose Bill Murray.Rick: No, Morty, it’s Lorenzo Music. In this reality, he’s tho alive.Morty: Oh, okay, was his surname Lorenzo Music?Rick: Yeah, I’m pretty sure. He also did the voice of that one man from Ghostbusters. Which is yes, really strange, since it’s the very same character invoice Murray played in the movie. Yet then, once they do the movie invoice Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp or Garfield, i mean.Morty: Yeah, that’s pretty cool, Rick. So all that occurred in this reality too?Rick: ns don’t know. Simply making conversation v you, Morty. What carry out you think? I-I-I-I know everything around everything?
Voice Over: Man. Woman. And now tribe men? We recognize science has developed men that have a stems that allows them to have sex through both male and also female partners. However we don’t favor the idea that these human being getting married. Put a heat in the sand everybody–people! vote no ~ above proposition XW2.Guy: The action that says that gay uh trunk human being can acquire married. Who needs it?Guy 2: not on my watch!Voice Over: Paid because that by Michael Dennys and The Denny Singers.
Trunk Person: Hi, I’m a trunk person. And I desire I-I feeling love in my heart, too, as with you.I desire to be able to express the love, through both a man and also a woman. And also I won’t have the ability to If Denny and The Denny Singers get their way.Guy: Hey, permit the trunk civilization have sex and also get married, huh?Voice Over: Paid for by…Trunk People.
Tophat Jones: Oh, i love me Strawberry Smiggles! Ooh, i hope nobody ever before gets my hand on me, and tries to steal my Strawberry Smiggles. I’m going come eat every last among them, because and then they’ll be in mine stomach, and also nobody will certainly ever have the ability to eat them. Other than for me, since they’re going to it is in all inside my stomach. I’m my name is Mister optimal Hat Jones, and God forbid anyone ever take mine sniggy, little pig-dul smiggles. I’m maintaining ’em every for me. Last bite. Oh, now they are all resting comfortably in mine stomach. Ooh, to be I feeling good. No! gain away indigenous me! gain away from me and my Strawberry Smiggles! No! Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! that hurts! my entrails space out! Why would certainly you also want to eat these? They’re soaked through my stomach acid! Oh, Jesus Christ! Lord and savior and spirit! save me! take me come the light! Oh, my God, I view Demons! I watch demons space coming!Morty: Jeez, Rick. Oh my god! That’s part pretty hardcore stuff, friend know, because that a cereal commercial.Rick: Well, girlfriend know, Morty, i mean, you want to sell boxes that cereal, friend gotta, friend gotta, pump the gas a little. Pedal to the metal, Morty.
Voice Over: In a world, wherein muscular mannies, space coming, and they’re coming strong, there’s just three unmuscular Michaels.Unmuscular Michael: acquire down! Hurry, run!Voice Over: and that’s as soon as real turbulent juice is coming, and you gotta take care of it. Through turbulent juice, Turmulent tables. No room is safe from the turbulent power of stormy juice.Morty: What in the hell?Rick: Sex sells, Morty.Morty: Sex sell what? Was that a movie, or like, does the clean stuff?
Morty: Hey, uh Y-Y-Y-You doin’ okay? I-I-I kind of know just how you feel, Summer.Summer: No, girlfriend don’t. You’re the little brother. You’re not the reason of your parents’ misery. You’re simply a symptom the it.Morty: can I display you something?Summer: Morty, no offense, however a illustration of me friend made when you to be 8 isn’t gonna make make me feel like less of one accident.Morty: That, the end there? That’s my grave.Summer: Wait, what?Morty: On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically damaged the entirety world. So we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one.Because in this one, the civilization wasn’t destroyed. And in this one, we were dead. For this reason we come here, a-a-and we hidden ourselves, and we took your place. And also every morning, Summer, ns eat breakfast, 20 yards far from my very own rotting corpse.Summer: So, you’re not my brother?Morty: I’m far better than her brother. I’m a version of her brother you have the right to trust when he says, “Don’t run”. Nobody exist on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.
Voice Over: last Will and also Testa-meow: Weekend at Dead Cat Lady’s home 2.Jerry: Well, someone in Hollywood just lost your job.
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Voice Over: Written and directed by Jerry Smith.